A Conversation with Zachary Goff

I spoke with Zachary Goff about his experience as a contestant on HBO’s 12 Dates of Christmas — streaming NOW on HBO Max. We also discuss what it’s like dating as a millennial and the importance of LGBTQ+ pride.

Yanis: You were on 12 Dates of Christmas. What can you tell us about this show? I hear you enter the series with a bang!

Zachary: The series itself is kind of a mix between The Bachelor and Love Island set in a beautiful wintery castle in Austria. It follows the three leads Faith, Chad and Garret trying to find love or to bring someone home for the holidays.

They bring people into the castle as people leave or get eliminated, and I enter the castle by popping out of a Christmas cake. So it was an interesting experience popping out of the cake and meeting the entire cast all at once.

Y: What a way to make an entrance!

Z: Yeah I think it made an impression.

Y: Speaking of making an impression, why something so public? You can be edited and manipulated to look bad. Why a show like this? Why a show at all?

Z: I had never really been on apps before and I was in a very long seven and a half year relationship and I moved after that ended.

I moved to kind of a rural area outside of Portland, so for me the dating pool was always very limited — has always been limited here— so even on the apps you have to search 25 miles away to find the first person.

So for me I feel like I had gone through pretty much anyone who was a viable option out here for me, and going onto the show I was very hesitant because it’s not anything I would usually do.

I had been working on manifesting a little more love into my life, hoping maybe something would come my way. Literally three days later I got the message on Instagram asking me if I would be interested in something like this. And obviously I thought it was fake and made a joke, but because of the joke they were like “you’re perfect.”

And then of course as I went through the process the more I was like “this could be an opportunity and if anything else I get to go on vacation at a beautiful castle and if I find love, I find love.” Otherwise I just figured I’m gonna step back, I’m gonna be myself. I’m gonna have some fun and see what happens.

Y: I’m glad it wasn’t a joke. They reached out to you. Why do you think they did?

Z: I think I fill a different role in the show itself. I kind of represent a different person within the LGBTQ community which gives it a little bit more diversity. I get to fill the role of this rural LGBTQ.

I’m the “nice guy,” and I think that came across as I was doing the audition process and that’s why they really liked me and I kind of have this “Hallmark story” with my previous relationship and how I’ve been single for 4 years.

Y: So when you say “Hallmark story” you mean you’re the nice small town guy who was in a relationship for many years and that relationship ended, and maybe just when you were ready to give up on love you were spirited away to Austria?

Z: Yeah exactly I mean I think my whole journey from my previous relationship into the person I am now kind of helped understand me a little more and I think they really took to that for sure.

Y: So that leads me to ask why did you move around so much growing up?

Z: When I was a kid we moved to Texas for my dad’s masters program at the University of Texas and then we moved to Dallas for my mom’s work. We moved to New Jersey for my mom’s work again, and then I moved to North Carolina for school for a year and then moved to New York to become an actor like we all do and that’s when I met my ex.

He ended up getting a job in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California so we moved there. His mom ended up getting a little sick and so we moved to Omaha to be a closer to his family and then obviously things ended in Omaha, and I moved here to be closer to my sister. So a lot different reasons.

Y: You have such a vantage point most people wouldn’t have. Is there a place you think really feels like home? Is Oregon home or is there a piece of Zachary everywhere?

Z: I always have trouble telling people where I’m from when they ask me that. Because I really do feel like my heart does have little pieces everywhere I connect in different ways to every single place. And right now I do feel like Oregon is absolutely my home.

I feel more myself than I’ve ever felt before just being out here in the small town, getting my hands on the earth; experiencing spirituality through grounding myself through nature.

It’s been a process but I really do feel like Oregon is definitely home. and I’ve never really lived in a small community before and it’s taught me so much about myself and what’s its like to live in not your typical big city.

Y: The state of Oregon has taken exceptional precautions when dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t it?

Z: Oh yeah, absolutely. Portland is extremely ahead of the curve in a lot of ways. Oregon governor Kate Brown in my opinion did a great job in terms of trying to cut it off at the very beginning.

Portland is still kind of like the hot spot in Oregon just because of the population density but everyone’s taking it really seriously here which is kind of a nice thing to know about the area I live.

Y: History will prove Oregon was doing things right early on even when others were criticizing lockdowns.

Oregon has also been ahead of the curve with regards to LGBTQ acceptance when compared to other places you’ve lived. What has it been like moving to all of these different places, many of which differ in their acceptance of LGBTQ people.

Z: Growing up I did have pretty conservative parents, so I was kind of used to the idea of having to hide my sexuality pretty much my whole life. My childhood was pretty much in areas where it was relatively unacceptable to be gay openly.

When I lived in New Jersey I was in more of a conservative town so it wasn’t really until I moved to New York City that I really experienced gay culture and understood that I could truly be myself.

I lived there for eight and a half years so living there for that long really helped me open my mind up to myself. Everywhere else I’ve moved I never pulled back on who I was. I’ve never been ashamed of it and I’ve always just gone full force into who I am.

Some people might dig it and some people might not and that’s what it’s really taught me, that the people who do care about you no matter what will stick around and the other people…they can do their own thing.

Y: They can go fly a kite.

Z: Exactly.

Y: You went from hiding your sexuality to being heavily involved in the pride movement. What would you say to people who aren’t fully sold on the pride movement.

Many say sex and sexuality, whether it’s straight or gay, shouldn’t be publicly flaunted as a mere matter of public decency and decorum. What would you say to these people?

Z: I think there’s this stereotype that pride is all about sex, and it’s really not. The thing about living in the community where I live now, what I’ve found is that it’s not about throwing your sexuality into someone’s face.

It’s about being visible. It’s about making people know we are here. That we are humans and we should be accepted as humans just as we are.

In my community there are almost no openly gay people, so the difference I’ve seen I can make here just by being myself is incredible. This community has never flown pride flags ever in its history.

It’s a very conservative paper town with kind of evangelical thoughts on the LGBTQ community, so to be able to support our community, to support these kids who are growing up here, who don’t understand that there are people like them living right next door.

That’s what makes the difference and that’s what pride is about, to make people understand they are accepted and they are loved for whoever they are, wherever they are.

Y: Well said Zachary! So we’ve explored your journey a little bit.

Garrett on 12 Dates of Christmas parallels your story in some ways. He’s a rural Louisiana boy who had to hide his sexuality from his conservative community. He’s only recently come out and perhaps the producers chose you because, as you’ve said, you’re seen as a nice, rural LGBTQ person.

Z: Oh yeah absolutely. I mean beyond that, I think Garrett and I actually have a ton in common. We did grow up in the south with conservative families, we ended moving to New York to explore our sexuality and explore who we are as people. We both have that story.

He went to school for sustainable agriculture which is what I do now, which is part of the reason I’m pretty sure they brought me in. And then on top of that I think there were just a lot of similarities in our life stories that could really bring us together.

Y: How did you contrast Garrett?

Z: I think a big difference between Garrett and I is the fact that I have experienced a long term relationship, so I came into this with a very different expectation; knowing exactly what I was looking for coming in.

I came in looking for someone to bring home long term, someone to really connect with on so many other levels beyond the show. Garret’s great, he’s a great guy, but you know in the end, he’s got to follow his heart in a different way.

Y: Countless couples meet on vacation, but when the vacation is over it becomes clear they aren’t right for each other. You were spirited away to a winter wonderland.

Is that really the best place to make a rational decision about who you should be with?

Z: It’s really an incredible opportunity to dive into something that could potentially be real, but I think what's important is that on the show you have to also realize the difference between reality and reality TV.

Yes they’re bringing us into these incredibly romantic situations, and maybe it’s not gonna be like this when we leave, but you have to constantly ask once we leave here “what do we have in common, how does our future look?” And I think it’s important that we all had to do that.

Y: So you were given an opportunity to explore what life would be like after the show?

Z: I would say some people didn't necessarily look beyond what was going to be happening on the show itself, but I think in the end every single one of the leads chose their person, or didn't choose their person, based on the idea that after the show ended there may or may not be a future.

Y: I understand. So why sustainable agriculture? Why did Garrett get into that field and why did you?

Z: I know for Garrett he has been out in the swamps of Louisiana his whole life, and has always connected to nature that way. I know he was a park ranger for the National Park Service for a while too, so he really connects with nature, which is a really awesome thing

For me, it’s a little different story. I kind of fell into it. I went to school in New York for photography. Once I moved here [Oregon] and met my business partners who own this farm and started really transitioning the farm into what it is today, I realized my passion for taking care of the earth and trying to make it better.

The farm I work on is a regenerative style farm, so what we’re doing is trying to rebuild the nutrition of the soil at the base of our farming practices. No tilling, no sprays of any sort — completely organic.

The way we planted it is sort of like a young forest where everything’s interplanted and connected to each other. We’ve created an ecosystem. I like to call it a garden in production because it’s also incredibly beautiful, but the idea of sustainability in the flower world is brutally important.

Most people don’t even understand about 80 per cent of cut flowers come from outside of the United States. In a lot of the countries they come from there are no regulations on what you put on those flowers to grow them. They get cut two weeks before they get to the grocery store, and they’re out of water so they’re half dead by the time you get them.

And they’ve been sprayed with all kinds of chemicals to keep them preserved. It’s not just about the food you’re eating, but the flowers you’re putting in your bath or the flowers you’re putting into your face to smell.

You have to be very aware of the all the things you’re potentially doing to your body or what you’re potentially doing to the ecosystem around you.

Y: Do you have any dating advice? Would you recommend someone go on a dating show to find love?

Z: I would say be yourself. Really throw yourself out there. Put your whole self out there and if somebody can’t handle it, it’s not you, it’s their ability to either accept who you are…or some people just aren’t ready for the type of person you might be presenting to the world, which is totally fine.

Not everyone is going to get along or love someone period.

Just be yourself and if somebody likes you, they like you. And if they do like you, they should completely allow you to be yourself.

Would I recommend going on a dating show to find love? I think if you’re going on a dating show you should be going for the experience, and to learn about yourself. To learn about who you are when you’re dating.

It’s actually kind of a weird reflection to see yourself on TV dating someone…going on the first date. You don't really realize who you are in that moment.

Granted, I do enjoy myself. I think I'm pretty funny. But I think it’s important if you're gonna go on a dating show, to understand who you are and hold your ground to that. And if it doesn't work out, it’s not a personal thing

But hey, take your chance. Take any chance you can to fall in love, that's what I say. Love is the most important thing in the world.

Y: What’s next for you?

Z: We got the keys to a store on March 1st in our little town. We ended up taking the time during COVID to renovate and plan out exactly what we want to do there.

We opened on June 1st and so that store has been the majority of what I've been working on, as well as creating my own essential oils from the herbs we have at the farm. I’m actually working on a whole line of self care products using our organic materials we have here to be sold at the shop.

One of the big projects we've been working on — its really exciting — is bringing together a group of about 12 local flower farmers all through Oregon.

We’re creating a collective so we can have a competitive local flower wholesale market within Portland that emphasizes the importance of sustainable farming community building and buying local.

You can follow Zachary Goff on Instagram.